I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
