apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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