Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
