I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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