shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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