I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
