i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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