bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
