i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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