I think im going to throw up on grandma
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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