I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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