the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
