called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
