im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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