So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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