you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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