The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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