Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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