What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
