Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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