We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
