Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She bit a glass in half.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
