I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
