On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
