Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
