her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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