They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
