It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
