Soap is not a condiment
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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