Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
