I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
