Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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