Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
