jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
