pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
