I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
