before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
where are my eyebrows?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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