They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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