I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
