I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
