His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
