I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
