If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
