based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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