maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
