If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
