I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
