He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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