What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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