Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
