We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
