the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
