i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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